Cal, da srory of a iiot

Keyal l is Keekan n Oins arch nemeis. Me and oin hate this kid with leik are utmost hatered. we reely reely reely reely reely hate him.

They say he lurks around elementary schools looking for friends, but has a hard time doing so. Hes putrid, slimy, greasy, flaky, disgusting, oily, and just really reely gross. He has this r tarded calculator he uses to make stupid little games. He made a stupid pong rip off called wong. We have and undying hatred for him.

The first offense (first time in trouble)

Once we were on a feeld trip, and on the way back that stupid poop started poking me. So yoo know what I did? I bit him. I shewed on his stoobid arms. I just kept on gnawing at his dumb arm. So a cuple weeks ltr we am at resess. Oin taeks cals map wen in reses. And do you know wut that poop did? Cal bit Oin asa hard am could. So Oin pritended to go up and tell da teesher. So oin coms back n tells cal. "returd da teecher wunts oo". So cal says am to teecher "oin took map". So than teecher am call Oin. Oins telss teecher "CAL BITE AM". So we am go to office. Then Cal throws mwa under the bus n seys, but cekin bit me leik 9 times before. SO WE AM ALL GET LUNSH DETETIEN BECOS OF THAT SOOPID IOOT.

Minkee

Minkee is cals gross disusting putrid falling apart sok monkee. Its so disgusting, just leik cal. He yused it as a prop for our class pikter. I reely reely reely hate it. It eventuly lost its ear. Minkees where abouts are now..... Unkown.

Minkees Hydrogyns

Minkee was made by Keyal to try and take over the wurld. Around nintey tree years ago, Cal creeatid this thing. He used Minkee was gonna be used to reek havoc upon the inicint. But thankfully Keekan n Oin saved the day, Agen. Now all that reeeemains of Minkee is its disgoosting crpos.
 * 1) 7 liters of Orphan blud
 * 2) The hair of Hitlir himself.
 * 3) The meat of the disabled
 * 4) And 6 pounds of suger, spise, and everything nies

Gunter the step ladder

Gunter the step ladder is another vile disgusting thing creeatid by Cal. Gunter the stepladder is cals lazy dumb attempt to cash in in the r tarded christmas kumercilism. "Gunter the christmas step ladder" Thats the Gunter the step ladder song.

Gunters Porcelains

Round 6 years years ago, Cal came up with an idea to cash in ina ll the Krimble Bimble Commercialsism. So he creetetd, "Gunter the christmas step ladder". He of course falid, coz thats wut Cals best at. So he kept trying to epeel to the public with Gunter, with no luck. He was the spirit of Christmas commercialism come into life by a step ladder. He thought he was so quirky n stuff

Other raise inns we hate Cal.
 * He's viry viry viry kringey.

The O.J files
 * He thinks hes funny but isn't
 * He rubs his wired body on us.
 * We tell him not two touch us butt he keesps dewing it
 * Olways suks up to da teeshers.
 * Olways ascs us for food.
 * Olways takes our suff
 * Dusint drink moutin dew
 * Pleys the victem card all the tiem
 * has a stubid face
 * is secertly O.J simpon

You may not now this butt Cal is seecritly O.J Simpon. Keekan studied and up served him for a long time. Keekan then wrote 13 note cards cuntaing schmevidencde that Cal is. Did you know Cal, or O.J has a faucet undir his left armpit, that drips out thee O.J. The O.J is a disgusting pitch black liquid. Its said to commonly have chuncs of hoo knows wut. Keekan olsa prooved that Cals sooopid Haunakah is a device that he yuses to commune kate with his evil acquaintances, their just acquaintances coz noblubby reely wants to be its frind. His glasses r also leik som kind of mind reed devise. The notecards has since been lost in the ruins of what is now present, Dankmemia, the collingswood sect.

Olsa

There was a young lady namend Olsa, She ws the leader in the ramens writes movement. Cal in stancely got jellyis and stabbed her 37 tiems in the chest. Luckily Olsa is invinsibile and cant dye. Olsa was since stolen from the evil Tonio Bonio and is now in the possesion of his.

The body rubbing and Touching

I hate Cal above anything else. I reely reely hate him. Sometimes hed leik forcefully rub his digusting oily body on us. We tell him constantly that we hate him, but he still continues to hang out with us. When he creates friction with our bodys, i can feel my innocence slowly but surely fade away. Its putrid. His body his so greasy and hairy. Then he just goes and smear his body on us as hard as he can, this is one of the meny reesins we hate Cal. It has reely reely gotten out of hand. He always tuches us all the tiems. He'd rub our shouders and we don't leik it. We keep telling him to sop. Butt he niver dus. We really hate it.

The paynefully unfunny jokes.

Anuther thing we hate deerly abouyt cal are his soopid unfuuny joeks. Gess one of the jokes. It was and he told the teesher tjis r tared joek two "wats brown and sticky, wat? a stick". Than oin went up to teesher and sed"wats wite and unfunny? Cal!!" Now dats leik an actual joek. He steels joeks two. Leik me and oin had an inside joek about leik master mommy and then of course Cal has to go and ruin it. I maen who does that hes soopid. He steels a whole lot of joeks. He stowl our butt cheese joke, our boo 2 a madea halloween joek, our nut job three joek, our sezan sos joek, and meny meny mur

Right now the fuqer is sitting next two me and telling me about leik how hes gonna build a house out of a red wagon. Mkay i'm going in and gonna look wut hes doing. Hes complaing about leik some website called blue star gaems and how its sad it ended. Right now hes playeing some spase invadesrs rip off. Gosh I FUFFUN HAT DIS KID. Once cal blarted and it smelt leik egh. It was disgusting, i fuffin hate him so much. hes son annoyeng i rely rely hate him. right now hes talking to tayer about how hes gonna build a house when he gets home. FUUF. HE JUST RUBBED HIS BODY ON US. OUT OF NOWWHER

Suzan

Suzan is Cals reely soopid ai calculator thing he created. I H8 IT. He made it have an emotinaly brakedown if you mention either me or Oin. Its so unying. The only reesin he made it is becaue its his only frind and has know frinds. I REEEEEEEEELY H8 IT.

Or we Jins

The or we jins of Suzan are currentley unnon. We therorise that Cal literally creeated it from the souls of those dammend for iternity in hell. He would've had to of travelded to heck and steal the souls and ensirt it into the caluclater. I tryed to assasinate Suzan by rubbing a chicken tender with barbique sos two hopefully kill it.

Stats

Am egg? am Egg not

coo? know

not cco? yem

flvr? That gum you find underneeth tables.

The dankmemian wars (second time in trouble)

Day 1: The Sauce

It all started on a faithful monday. Keekan and Oin wer so ecksited for the retern of the SZECHUAN SAUCE. Keekan n Oin were of course ecksited. So they went to the Holy temple of sos and got sum. The next day keekan brot a packet in to show off. Everyblubby was amazed at what they saw. Everything was grate, until recess. Cal was so jelly of the sauce he hired Tonio and Ribbit to go and murder sauce. Tonio viviously skweezed the sauce packet, and leik that it was gone. Szechuan sauce was gone. Never to be seen agen. Keekan n Oin were hartbroken from the incident. This was unspeakable. So they raged war angenst Ribbit, Cal, and Tonio. This would just be the start of a very long and large war. The next day another innocint sole would dye. That very day would mark a never ending war. It was the first time we've been attaked on Dankmemian soil.

Day 2: The Eggs, part 1

It was the day of Cals tryle. We had a special guest at the trial, it was egg. Egg was an Egg Keekan brought into school and drew on it. Egg had a comb over, a double chin, and a pair of glasses. Before the trial Keekan over herd talk of trying to assassinate egg. So keekan n Oin had the genius idea of making a decoy egg. The decoy egg had all the same features as egg but was made of paper. Cal was oviusly fooled by this decoy. At the trial Cal sed "WOT KEEKAN? YOO AM THINK IOOT? WELL GESS WOT AM NOT IOOT, YOO EM IOOT". Cal finally found out the decoy wasn't actually egg. So he and his minions corned me in the bush. They corned Keekan in the bush and sadly Keekan had to destroy him before they did. I couln't let them win. I did it for his own good. I didn't want to do it but i had too. It was the worst thing I had to do in my leaf. We soon fownd out Ribbit had the ded body of szechuan sauce, butt we didn;t reely kare. So we me Keekan and oin repedetly did their trademark hed pat on clas soopid hed for plubishmint. So in revenj Keekan cut up the garlic in math class so the whole third floor smelt like garlic for a week. That was a direct hit on Cal and everything he am stand for.

Day 3: i wasnt hear day 3 so they wen afur Oin Ribbit am cal saw me not bean deer as a perfikt oprotunidy to trep or keel ooyan an seel da lan. Dey trapped Oin in da boosh an tried to koil him. Oin however use his tard powers to overpair ribbit whom haz been lef to dee by his teem8s.

The rest period

So it was a half day that day and we didn't have recess. We am also see The Cross and the Light. Somhow Call still manijes two attak Dankmemeia at its hart. So dat dey we had Olsa wif us, but she was contained in a bottle of Olive Oil for safe keeping. Oin wusnt their thadt day. Keekan brot 3 mer eggs to the scoo. Eg had a little krack in him so keekan did sum sergiry on him. Keekan oly brot one to the cross n lite and it was eg, not egg, or eggg. Just eg.So eg was fine leik the hole show until, Cal pressed on Keekans pocket, where Eg was. Eh cracke and Keekans pocket began filling up with egg fluids. EG had a huge crak on him. His eg floowids began to leek out so i rubbid some on cal n suff. I couldn't keep eg while he was leik this. Keep in mynd at this tiem, Cal was playing his soopid chaunekah. So i just had two throw poor eg out the bus window. I had to do it when Ms Linso wasn't looking so I wouldn't get in trubs. IT WUS ALL CALS FOLT. This mayd us REARRY anger. We got back and i fownd out eggg had a crack. So i had to throw him into the bush. I'm so sorry for killeing dem. Butt it wus for their own goob.

Day 4: The end

On day 4 is when Keekan n Oin lost to the evil clutches of CAL, RIBBIT, AND TONIO. That day Keekan n Oin brot egg egggg, momato, momaato, and Olsa. We lost evry single one of the inicent souls to the evil CAL. Cal once agen corned me n tryed to taek all them n torter them. So, agen i had to kill all of them. BUTT, Cal took olsas eggy oily garlicy bottle and dumped her out on to the hot siedwak. We lost one of our closet frinds that day. But then somhow the TEECHER M FYND OUT BOUT EGGS N FOOD N SUFF N WE GET DETETENTIEN. Keekan was in science class, when suddenley hes called out into the holiday to be interogated by the evil big men upstairs (the teachers). They interogated Keekan, Ooyan, Savvanah, Ribbit, and Tonio. Keekan and Ooyan actually broke the record an earned a total of 15 recess detentions. That day Keekan and Ooyan also pegged pineapples at Cal, they sprayed him with olive oil, threw eggs at him, broke tomatoes over his head, put ants in his hair. Apples were thrown, bannans were crushed, and much much more happended in those few days.

The Nard (fourth time in trouble)

Keekan had a copy of Back at the Barnyard that Tonio Bonio, and Ribbit stole. Ribbit broke it over his leg and guess what happens next????? Keekan gets called down to the office being interrogated aboot it, Mr Gaurecht went on and on about how it could've cut his hand, and like bruh idc. Keekan and Tonio Bonio got recess detention for 5 dAys.

Creatorofstickfigures

Creatorofstickfigures is cals soopid fandom account. He usses it to troll me and Oin. He would leik make soopid articles on the wiki so thats why his articles are under, calsarticleswehavenocontrolover. I H8 HIM SO MUSH. He just leiks tro troll me and Oin and is realllllllly anoyeng. He dusnt geb that hem lose. Hes shuchs lose and he dasnt utter stand that.

Red Guy (Fifth time in trobs)

Red guy is an army of stupid felt pushes cal made to trie n leik kill me and oin and evryblubby els in keekan n co. Red guy has bin vary poplar upon the evil sied, aka cal, ribbit, tonio etc. I REEEEEEEEEEEELY H8 red guy. Evry red guy is defrunt. Butt they all hav soopid yayo fases. Cal cree8ted em two trie and get rid of keekan n oin wunce n forall. Than Keekan and Ooyan were called out in front of the whole school to stay back and that they were in big troubles. Keekan, Ribbit, Ooyan, Tonio, Cal, and Savvanah were all being accused of planning an attack against the teachers for getting in trouble. The ones who mad up this lie was the veil Kiki and co who were out to destroy Keekan n Co once and for all. And guess wot???? Trouble again. More detentions

The sackrafice (Sixth time in trubs)

Once Keekan n Oin were soooooo sicc of Cal that Keekan got a bloodey knowse n Keekan n Oin desided to sackkrafise Cal to Pee Wee Herman. So Oin hoelded Cal don n Keekan roobbed the blood on cal. Butt sadley Pee wee didnet show up. THAN the teeshers found out aboot that and again, Keekan and Ooyan got detention for 5 days.

Monkey Slave

Cal has since become Keekan n Oins monkey slave. He leik gets suff leik napkins and stuff for us at luch. If he disobeys us he gets no food. He usually only gits half a samich for luch so wen mokey slave obeys us we giv him a lil eckstra. Monkey slave is still however Cal, and we dont leik Cal.

Walrus

Keekan n Oin have since found out that Cal leiks to licc walruses. Cal refuses to admit his luv for walruses. We've gotten these reports from numerous reliable noose sorces. He also appernelt leiks to rub muserd between the walruses fat rolls. Not only that but he also leiks to make out with its oily tubby tail while dowsing the walruses hairs with pepto bismol. Cal says its silly but we know the disturbing trooth aboot his luv for fat animals. He also leiks to sensually massge a i balls of the walrus.He also leiks to chew on its belly buttin lint leik its choowing tobaki. He also enjoys caressing its nipples with toothpaste.

Grobs food

Keekan and Ooyan would get Cal to eat their disgusting creations sometimes. Such classics as the double butter broccoli sandwich. Other classics included things like the Ketchup onion mayo pudding. And Cal ate it everytime, man those were some goob days.

The sweet (seventh time in trubs)

Recentley in Dankmemia the sweets have bloomed. Keekan n Ooyan need them for themselves cos they're coo. Whenever Cal trys to take some so we put ants in his hair which make him run away. Cal has said that when he washed his hair he found ants in it. AND AGAIN KEEKAN AND OOYAN AGAIN GOT RECESS DETENTION.

Sucking up to the teeshers

Cal use to always succcccc up to the teeshers. He would always just be so kind to them and formal when they yelled at him. This mad Keekan and Ooyan vary annoyed.

That time Keekan stepped on the dandelion and R tarded Mr Cam got pissed (eight time in trubs)

Once Keekan was just messing around and stepped on a dandelion like those little yellow flower things. Mr Cam was really pissed that day and gave Keekan a detention for "Destroying school property". At that point Keekan and Ooyan knew the staff was just out to get them.

The final trouble ( trubs)

3 days before graduating. How could Keekan and Ooyan possibly get in troubles??? Seems impossible, no real classes anymore, abosloutley impossible for anything else to happen right??? Literally 3 days left, what could go wrong. Well Keekan and Ooyan were finishing up their tile (ehich unfortunately cal was a part of) and Keekan insisted Ooyan not to put the link to the wiki on the tile. Keekan trusted Ooyan that none of the teachers would check. Latter that day Keekan and Ooyan are called down into the guidance counselors office. Keekan and Ooyan were confused as they were heading down therorising of what they could've done this time. The wiki, they found out. Ms Knewman accused Keekan and Ooyan of cyberbullying after seeing the Cal farticle. (this r tard didn't know or care that Cal didn't care, but she was still angered). She demanded that Keekan and Ooyan to take down the site and disband "Your so called company". Keekan didn't do any of the following and a few days after graduation Keekan received an email after the school year was over telling Keekan how angry she was that he didn't take down the site. She was also very disgruntled about the fact I wrote an article on her talking bad aboot her. As Keekan drove off from the graduation ceremony he saw Ms Knewman looking for him (probably to try and expose Keekan n co to the parents). She saw him in the car and was beaten. And as mentioned before, she emailed Keekan about her disgust in Keekan, Ooyan, and the whole organization. A truly epic conclusion to the eighth grade year. Ms Knewman planned to take Keekan n Ooyan down but she was just a few days late. She found out about just about everything else, but was beaten by Keekan n Co

The future

Keekan n Ooyan are now in Hi Scoo. Far away from Cal. Will Keekan n Ooyan ever run into Cal ever again? Only time will tell. But this is a timeless tale about love, rejection, hatred, friendship, sorrow, remorse, and toast.